Long time no post. After my vacation in Surinam (post coming up), I realised that some things aren’t going as I had planned. I have been doubting to post this online, but I am still going to do it. I am not happy about my body and things as such and I still feel that I panic about a lot of things. Because of these things I enjoy life a lot less. Which I shouldn’t. Life is way too short. WAY. I have decided to turn my life around as soon as I arrived back home. I am still struggling, but I am getting there. With babysteps. And blogging about this journey, is my way of motivating myself. I know that people read these posts and that they will be curious about my journey. I am still doing this for me, and I want to take you guys with me on my journey.
Body image issues
I have been coping with body image issues for a long time now. You guys know that I have been posting about working out and dieting for a while and maybe it is a better idea to work with a professional. So I did! I actually contacted an online coach who made an eat schedule for me and a gym schedule. She also sends me some motivational messages during the week and it helps me to follow the schedule. It is not that easy since I am a girl who LOVES nice food and I cannot resist nice food sometimes! But that results in being fat and me not loving my body. And that needs to change. I am also working out 3 times a week now. So far I have lost 3% of my fat percentage.. That’s a lot for 4 weeks.. And I can do better. You’ll see.
So, the winter was really hard for me. I had several days when I wanted nothing more than just stay inside underneath a blanket. This was because I constantly felt like the world was against me. I already know that this isn’t true. I can feel depressed because of pressure and small things. Which is okay. Everyone has his own things. I have these. It is ALL okay. I have accepted that. Now I am looking for a way to deal with it. The last weeks I am dealing with it by not dealing with it, so I need to find a way to deal with it. So that’s a thing. Second of all, I am trying to erase all of the negativity out of my life. ALL OF IT. And in all forms. Things, situations, problems and also people. So I am starting to do that and I disconnected a few people from my life and let a lot of positive ones in. I am also trying to step out of my comfortzone and do things I haven’t done in years (like for example, go to the city with colleagues (and I probably was drunk for the first time which was kinda funny)).
Also I am working on loving myself more. Even though I have a lot of people in my life who love me, I don’t feel very loved? It is kinda weird because you know you’re the only one who can do something about that. Please, people who know me personally, do not feel guilty. It’s just that I miss a little bit of apprechiation sometimes which I can use to make myself feel good about myself. Not asking for the so called feathers in my butt. But just the small things. A “thank you” for example. And not because you have to. These days I really want people to mean the things they say. I want to value what they say, so I can value them too. I feel wronf to ask this from other people because I really have to start with myself and that’s where the circle started.
So far my little update of life. If you have any questions or comments, please let me know. You probably know how!